5 ways to Rekindle the Fire in your Marriage

“I do.” 

Two very special words that a lot of us want to say at least once in our lifetime. To look into our partner’s eyes and know they are forever ours, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Words would not be enough to explain how euphoric that would be.

Then we move in with them and get to see them as the last thing before bed and the first as we wake up. And we can’t wrap our heads around how lucky we are. We are consumed with a fire-like desire for them and can’t help but act like two teenagers madly in love.

A few years down the line, we start to notice some tendencies that we hadn’t before. Maybe they leave their dirty laundry on the floor next to the basket, or they don’t flush after they go. Seemingly little things that seem to tag at our sanity bit by bit.

More years pass by and we get familiarised with even the pattern of their breathing. The joy and spark that was once ever-present has been replaced with comfortableness. The intimacy level keeps going down and down over the years until you realize that you are just roommates raising children together.

So how exactly can you bring back the spark that was once there? How can you fall in love with your spouse once more? Here are 5 guaranteed ways designed just for that.

Planned Getaways Sans The Kids

It is no secret that children are the world’s biggest cockblockers. Pardon my french. How many times have you been in the mood for some romance when your little one began crying and screaming hysterically? By the time you put them to bed, your partner is asleep or the whole mood has been spoiled so you call it a night.

You wait till the kids are old enough to go to school but even then, there doesn’t seem to be enough time for some regular action. If this carries on for too long, intimate time with your partner diminishes and you become accustomed to it, thinking that it was bound to happen.

One of the ways of rekindling this diminishing flame is by going on a romantic getaway with your partner. If you are worried about the kids, you could hire a nanny or call a close family friend and ask them to take care of them while you are away. The weekend is the best time since you won’t be dodging your work responsibilities and can relax without any worries.

A good idea for the getaway is going back to your honeymoon location. The place where the fire was both the hottest and brightest. Or you could also go somewhere you’ve both never been before. Let yourself fall in love with a new city and a new place, and I guarantee you’ll both come back feeling like two cheeky teenagers.

Focusing on ‘their’ little things.

Notice how I said ‘their’ not ‘the’. By this I mean the little things that matter to them even if you’re as different as chalk and cheese.

You may not be as big of a football fan as your partner but doing things such as listening to them rant about how bad the strikers were or how smoothly they scored a goal, will make all the difference to them.

Sure you wouldn’t be caught watching it alone but once in a while you could show some interest and watch with them. You could even go out of your way and get them the season’s new jersey.

Same thing applies if your partner likes gardening or books but you don’t. Pay attention to the sparkle in their eyes when they name for you the 7 species of Spider plants, or about the character in their novel who they found out was the serial killer all along. This makes them feel special because you care about their little things and it also enables you to see them in a whole new light.

Mastering The Element of Surprise

I’m not talking about the ones on occasions such as birthdays and valentines, you could do a bit more than that.

Surprises keep relationships fun and young, it eliminates the boring monotony of everyday life. Say you work from 9 am- 5 pm each day, nothing unusual happens, then one day, the boss orders lunch for everyone.

That day would be memorable to you right? Not just because of the gesture but because it broke the monotony of everyday life.

That’s how surprises work. Small little things to show you were thinking of them.

You could do this by

  • Surprising them with lunch at work.
  • Cooking their favorite childhood meal before they get home.
  • A bouquet of flowers.
  • Making reservations at their favorite restaurant

Creating Rituals

By this, I don’t mean going around the fire and chanting inaudible things. The rituals I’m talking about are the daily habits that are bound to bring you two closer together. The thing that makes this unique is that you’ll be consciously doing them until it becomes one with your subconscious.

Sit down with your partner, and yes, place the phones aside. Have a lengthy talk about what you would like the rituals to be. Some good habits to emulate include :

  • Good morning and goodnight kisses every day.
  • Spooning them after long days and Cuddles every day.
  • One-on-one talk about how each partner’s day was.
  • Eating Dinner together.
  • No sleeping while mad at the other

At first, these rituals may seem like a big advancement and you may feel like you’re being forced but it will come naturally as you continue. You’ll even find yourself looking forward to them

Not Holding Back On The Magic words

These are the polite words taught to us when we were young. Please, Sorry and Thankyou. Lemme ask, when was the last time you thanked your spouse for making you dinner? Has it become something that is expected from them? Even if they do this every night, a ‘thankyou’ goes a long way to make them feel appreciated.

Same case for when you hurt their feelings, put your pride aside and apologize to them wholeheartedly.

You have to see their value in order to appreciate them. The bonus magic word you can add is, ‘I love you.’ Don’t refrain from telling them that even if you think they already know it.

Marriages work not just because of love but also due to the mutual respect shared by the partners. It takes two to clap and both parties must be willing to come together to make it work. By following these 5 ways, I can guarantee that your marriage life will improve and you’ll be more in love than ever before. Best of luck!


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