5 Ways To know if They’re “The One” (and 5 Ways to Tell they’re not)
A lot of people have different explanations and different meanings of love.
The one that stood out for me the most says,” To love is to give someone a loaded gun and trust them not to pull the trigger.”
When you love someone, you’re vulnerable with them and are at their mercy. This can be both a sweet and scary thing.
In the modern-day, we’re faced with a lot of people who mask their true nature and turn out to be pure evil beings with malicious intentions, so we’re left wondering how to differentiate the good from the bad.
We’re left tossing and turning, asking ourselves, “are they the one?”
Today, we’ll identify the 5 signs that indicate that they are Not and 5 more to show that They are.
5 Signs that show They are Not The One
They manipulate you.
Manipulation is something that may occur without the victim knowing, the most common one is emotional manipulation. Does your partner guilt-trip you into doing what they want?
This might include bringing up your past mistakes and shoving them on your face so that they can have their way with you. The manipulation might be sexual advances, limiting your freedom, etc.
They’re controlling and overbearing.
Does your partner keep checking your phone for no reason? Do they always want to know who you’re texting and talking to? Do they tell you that you can’t go out with your friends unless they’re with you? All of these are red flags to look out for. Settling with such a person would lead to living an imprisoned life right at your home.
They make you feel Insecure about your body
Body image is something a lot of people (both male and female) struggle with. Having your significant other point out the imperfections of your body is equivalent to adding salt to an already throbbing wound.
Is your partner constantly checking out other girls even when you’re with them? Do they compare you to your friends asking you, “why can’t you be skinny like Sandra?”
Do they offer to pay for a boob as a birthday gift? If the answer is yes to all of these, then it’s time to run for the hills!
They don’t make time for you.
No matter how busy someone’s day is, they will always have time for a text back. A, “I’m sorry babe, work is very busy today, I’ll call you tonight,” kind of text.
It’s even worse if they make time for their friends but never seem to have time for you. This only shows that they value their friends more and don’t see you as a priority. A person in love would be dying to see you all the time and you wouldn’t have to ask for their attention or affectionThey introduce you as a friend to others.
This has got to be the worst of them all yet it is the most overlooked red flag. How does your partner introduce you to his friends let alone his family?
Does he introduce you just by your name? Or worse as a friend?
You might try and make excuses for them that they like to keep things on the low but that doesn’t cut it. If someone is proud to be with you, they’d shout it out to the whole world or better yet, their world. These are his close friends and family.
If you’ve been together for more than three months and haven’t met any of his friends, then that in itself is a good enough reason to re-evaluate your relationship.
How to Know if They’re The One.
Your life is ultimately better with them.
This means that there is solid proof that your life has significantly improved since they walked into it. And no, I’m not talking about finances.
Yes, it’s nice if your finances are better and you’re leading the lifestyle of your choice, but is that all they have to offer?
How has your mental health been since you started dating them, do they make you anxious and trigger your attacks, or are they your home to shield you and make you feel safe?. Let’s talk about your sense of worth. Do they degrade you and make you feel like you can’t do anything? Or are they your biggest fan and push you to be better?
All these are questions one needs to ask themselves before deciding to spend their lives with another.
How about we find out the truth by partaking in a simple activity. Take a paper and pen and write down at least 5 ways your life has improved since meeting them, make sure to leave out financial stability.
If you can’t reach at least five, then you have your answer.
You’re 100% yourself around them.
With them, you know that you can let your hair down and be as goofy as you want. You’re comfortable enough to sing aloud with your horrible horrible voice. You can laugh uncontrollably till you start snorting and they’ll be there wondering what luck they stumbled upon to meet you.
With them, you don’t have to rush to apply makeup before they get up but you can stay in bed in all your messy glory and they’ll only see how beautiful you are. That’s a sign to show that they just might be the one.
You share similar life goals.
Life goals and visions of the future are very important things to consider. This does not necessarily mean career-wise or hobby-wise.
You don’t have to be a doctor since your partner is one or like football because they do. These are topics like, where to settle in the future, the type of religion the kids will be taught, traditions to be followed, and financial values.
Having similar beliefs about all these is a great green flag indicating that you’re very compatible.
Open to change and compromise.
“I can’t change. This is who I am. Take it or leave it!”
We’ve all heard this line before, whether it’s from a movie scene or from a partner we had or currently have.
What a lot of people fail to realize is that there is a fine line between changing who you are to please someone and working on your toxic traits to better your relationship.
Getting defensive about your toxic traits only jeopardizes the relationship. Instead, accept that indeed it’s a toxic trait and work on it. If your partner does this, you’re assured that they want to better themselves for you and are in it for the long run.
Pay attention to the littlest details about you.
It feels really special when someone remembers the small things about you. How you like your coffee with three tiny spoons of sugar, your favorite crisps brand, how you bite your nails when nervous, and the inside of your cheeks when you’re close to tears.
These are the things that we hold close to our hearts. Sure the big things are nice but if you find someone who remembers the littlest of things, tie them down and keep them.
In a nutshell, The One will not be Mr. Perfect or Mrs. Perfect. They too will have their ups and downs but the good in them will at all times outweigh the bad. Just keep an eye out for these things and you might find that you’ve already met The One. Cheers!